Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
