Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
