I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
