is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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