Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
