Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
