Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
