I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
50% drunk capacity currently
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
