Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish life had little blips of pornography
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
