there's paper in my vomit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
