Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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