don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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