I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
