Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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