Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
