remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
