Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
