You really coming over, don't trick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How does it feel to date your dad?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
