i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
