if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
