she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
