stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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