drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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