You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
