all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
