Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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