Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
