I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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