I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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