Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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