and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
