it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Terrible idea I love it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
