you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
