All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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