there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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