I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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