4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
