I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
