I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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