Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
