I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
