Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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