Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
