i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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