We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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