i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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