your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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