i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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