awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
