Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Randomize
