How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
