So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
