thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
