Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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