Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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